There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
