I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
