her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
