How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
