goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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