Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
