I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
