The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
