please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
