i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
