when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was like getting head from an anaconda
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
