its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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