i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
