My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
