So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
