i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
