she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
