Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
