If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
