Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
