and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
