Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Randomize
