'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
