It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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