One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i love accidental penises.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
