I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
