my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
