you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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