just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
