one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
