i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
