remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
