The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
