You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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