We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if only i could text you this smell
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
