Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
