he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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