Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize