Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
