Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
