Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
