So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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