Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
