This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
