so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
