he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
