the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
