If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
