i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
