1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
